Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
