where am i from again
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
