Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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