I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
