I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize