Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
