I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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