he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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