my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize