Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
