why didn't you poke me back
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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