Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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