My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
