i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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