I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
