I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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