the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
