I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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