if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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