I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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