Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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