just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
