well I can't set my house on fire every night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
