i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
