somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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