Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
