Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The uberlube is also flammable
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
