she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
