remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
