Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you win again, gameday.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
