my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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