K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
