Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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