i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
