Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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