There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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