3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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