i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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