I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
