After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want her autograph on my taint
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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