Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
