A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
