It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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