I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
don't judge my taste in strippers
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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