just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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