I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Actions speak louder than pants.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
