im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
