so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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