um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
