I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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