Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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