It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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