I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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