Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
