She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
