I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
