How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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