I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im six kinds of drunk right now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
