allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
