dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize