Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
