i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
