Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
